Insomnia Chronicles

The light is back & spring is right around the corner. Yay!

The past two days, I have spent trying to guide my hormones and state of mind back to center after a sleepless night, in part due to my own insomnia but moreso due to daylight savings time. If everyone agrees that daylight savings should not be a thing anymore, why does it still exist? I guess it’s just one of life’s many mysteries or perhaps something to pray our government will one day abolish.

I truly didn’t even realize it was daylight savings and woke up much later than I anticipated this Sunday only to realize I had missed one hour and it was not 8:30 but 9:30 or maybe even 10:30. I can’t remember exactly what time it was.

Then, I spent the rest of the day wobbling around, trying to do nothing. I meal prepped and went live on Instagram as I did so. I took this as an accomplishment because I truly did not want to be prepping anything this Sunday, but prepare food I did.

I didn’t make everything on my list because I realized I still had a bunch of food leftover from earlier in the week and decided it might be best to hold off on what I had planned to eat next until I finished it. I guess it’s a luxury that I’m able to do this. I realize not everyone has the ability to make that decision because I know if I had a typical 9 to 5 or was still working in television, I would have make it all knowing I would not have that opportunity later.

After prep, it must have been late or perhaps I just forgot to take my little magic pill. Yes that is what my brain has momentarily decided to call this over the counter baby that has some melatonin and also ashwagandha with some other doo hickies in it. It helps to soften my body and puts me to sleep. I also vape and do THC gummies but I think my gummies had ran out and I’ve been trying these new ones because the ones I generally get aren’t currently available.

Needless, to say they’re supposedly loaded with THC, but I feel almost nothing when I take them. On top of forgetting to take my little magic pill and the gummies not working properly, I was up pretty late. Next thing I know it’s midnight, I’m not at all tired and deciding to have a “small” late night snack because I will likely wake up too late for breakfast. Which I was right about, I basically skipped it completely.

I’ve learned not to mess with skipping meals due to my insomnia comas so I gave myself some food. Welp, a “small” snack turned into a large meal full of fruit, 2 bananas, 1/2 an orange and like 5 or 6 delicious and juicy dates, and a bit of tahini (getting my calcium in, lol.) followed by a Ukrainian style Kotela (Meat Patty) and a spoonful of puree. After this I felt full.

When I eat I like to feel at peace and calm and over pandemic I began watching YouTube Videos while I eat. Not always, but a good amount. So I was watching this Youtuber I discovered this year whose videos I have become obsessed with. I watch TV a lot less now than I used to or at least try to. Instead, I’ve been drawn to Youtube and have been known to watch an entire channel’s opus as one would watch a TV show.

Takasu Tile is a Japanese, 29 year old dude who lives in a small cottage on his parents property. There he shares weekly videos of his daily life in the rural Japanese countryside. He shows us his day trips or vacations, his flower, herb and vegetable garden, and cooking delicious Japanese and some Korean cuisine with said veggies and herbs.

Pandemic has made me absolutely obsessed with slow living, simple living. It’s a lifestyle I strive to embody and one day fully live. My life has slowed down a lot more lately. In part from increased isolate and in part from feeling getting even more sick due to covid and truthfully my insomnia and sleep habits being so fragile that going out in the evenings is something I rarely do anymore and is not really that appealing either.

I’ve always been a homebody but the incredible part of my getting sicker and finally starting meds is that one, I am finally getting the care I felt I should have gotten many years ago and two, it created so much more space for coming into the version of myself I had been hiding and trying to escape from. Being forced to slow down forced me to start asking myself what am I chasing? What’s the thing here.

As I sit here tonight, recalling the events of two nights ago and how after waking up at what felt like a drunk 10:30 am due to my daylights saving haze and not being able to sleep and again waking up in a haze and truly wondering what time it was, I feel proud and happy that being forced to slow my pace and set boundaries for how I needed to live moving forward allowed me to really dive in and look at what I was trying to escape from and what I’m still trying to escape from.

I keep trying to remind myself that the things I run from always come back to and that I have to head towards them if I want to figure them out and heal. And that doing that doesn’t mean I have to chase or attain anything, it means that I have to slow down. Slow the heck down, ray ray. Just slow down.

PS. The next day I ate normally. I had this soup for lunch and since I wasn’t too hungry for dinner I just drank some more delicious bone broth - yumm! And had a muffin I plan on sharing soon.

P.P.S This is Takasu Tile. Turn on the subtitles and have at it! It so soothing to watch these! My secret dream (guess it’s not so secret anymore) is to one day start a soothing, meditative youtube channel that can also incorporate yummy recipes somehow. He’s one of my new favorites! This video is a compilation of some meals he’s had this winter. If you love authentic Japanese (and some Korean) food, welcome to your new zen! Let me know if you like him just as much as I do!